he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
