forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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