In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
