now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just high enough for therapy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
