If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
