He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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