The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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