You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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