my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they're like a gay fantastic four
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
