No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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