fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize