Moan for me like Helen Keller
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
