Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
