dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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