Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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