I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
