ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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