your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
