so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
