I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
