I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
