he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
