We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
