I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
