May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
