is your mom at the bar?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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