She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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