Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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