Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
