I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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