9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
