when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
