I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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