just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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