what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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