I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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