Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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