I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
