I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
