census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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