My hand turned me down
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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