So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
