I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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