His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
