the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
