ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
