idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
