You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
