i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
