She tied me up with her honor cords...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
