So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
