Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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