its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
