My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize