I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
