i think my tv is drunk
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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