our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
