I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
