well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
