I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Please don't give away my fajitas
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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