Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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