just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
