you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize