I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
