A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
