i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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