So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
