new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Congratulations! We have a period
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
