Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
