He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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