I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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