Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
