i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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