the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize