after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
