one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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