He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
