I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
