Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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