just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
