this beer tastes like vomit already
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
