does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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