either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
pop tarts are not kleenex
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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