Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
