I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
