he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
