I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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