yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
