I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
