She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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