I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
