Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
