And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
