Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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