First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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