It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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