I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
