I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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